So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
