guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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