worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
