there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
