for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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