I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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