Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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