Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize