Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
