why didn't you poke me back
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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