What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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