You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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