I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
