RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
