So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You have to summon your inner elephant
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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