Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
