i don't like sucking hair
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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