i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
