my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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