Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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