I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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