We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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