She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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