If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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