Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
