Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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