no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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