the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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