I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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