my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
