he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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