Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
