while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
