As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
