it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
