I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
