piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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