Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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