Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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