You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
