sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
