After last night, I could never be a politician.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
