ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
