first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
