So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
