i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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