I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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