I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
