You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
