the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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