i'm signing you up for texting rehab
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
