you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
