Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
