GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
