The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
