so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
