I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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