dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
babies were throwing up all over the place
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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