Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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