i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
