Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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