At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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