Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
