I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
