he thought i was a dude.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
