he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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