Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
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His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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