If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This house was built for laser tag.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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