i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize