I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
