i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
