We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
