I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
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At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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