This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
