Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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