I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
