I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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