I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
