You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
