whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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